Bits And Pieces 

Angel Pillows Project Inc.

January 7, 2013

Please forgive me for not writing sooner.  No excuses other than I've just had a tough time getting myself to sit down and write.

I've thought and thought about what I wanted to write here that might qualify as interesting to anyone reading the ramblings of my thoughts and have come up with a couple of things I'd like to share with you.

As those of you who follow this blog and our website have observed,  the Angel Pillows Project began as a way for me to let others know that they are loved and that they are not alone when it comes to experiencing the death of a child, life threatening illnesses and chronic conditions that make life  a struggle.  I try to express my love and empathy through the angel pillows I make and distribute.  I've been told by many that the pillows are cherished and I feel so humbled and happy when I hear this.  Sometimes (often) I wish I could take away the pain of others, but I am not in control of this,  much to my frustration.

I believe that our struggles can make us stronger if we choose to use what seem like stumbling blocks as stepping stones.  What do I mean by that?

It has been my experience since David was killed in 1992 that I have coped with the searing pain of his death in ways that in some cases make my life more difficult (thus causing stumbling blocks).  I have been angry with God, angry with families who neglect their children, angry with people for even suggesting that somehow that my anger is inappropriate.

Anger is part of the grieving process.  That's just the way it is.  However, it becomes a stumbling block when it interferes with living a productive life and I have been guilty of hanging on to anger for much too long in the grieving process.  So today I renew myself and say "anger be gone " and "Heavenly Father, please pour out upon me forgiveness and patience".   

That is my humble prayer that I can be forgiven, that I also can be  forgiving with myself and others and live more closely a balanced and loving life.  If I can be loving, forgiving and patient then, I believe, the stumbling block becomes a stepping stone to help me to progress to a more Christ-like life.

Before you think I am some sort of saint, I'm not.  I struggle, but I refuse to let the stumbling blocks win. To all of us who are struggling, we can make it through.  We can't "get over" the death of a child, but we can make it through our forever changed lives by doing the best we can to use our grief as an opportunity to grow spiritually and perhaps even be a help to others along the way.  If I've learned nothing else, I've learned that life is short and it is up to me to make good choices, no one else can do that for me.

God bless you, my dear friends.  You are not alone.  If I could,  I would sit down with each one of you, hold your hand and look you in the eyes and tell you that you are loved, that I care.  Instead I make angel pillows and hope that the message is conveyed through them. Thank you for giving me the great honor of sharing them with you.

P.S. Please click on this link to hear my song "Forever You"

My amazingly talented friend Paul F. Xavier wrote the music and sings the vocals.  I am eternally grateful to him for putting my words to music.